How could communication patterns and style convert a good leader into a leader for good? In an attempt to answer that question I wrote and article which appeared in the April 2020 issue of Coaching Today, which is published by the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy © BACP’ ( https://www.bacp.co.uk/bacp-journals/coaching-today/)
Any thought and feedback would be appreciated!
A leader for good DP
(A version written in Greek follows below)
Most of us leaving in this planet are currently quarantined. In my country the restrictions have grown tighter and we need permission to go out in order to buy food, work out, etc. Our lives have rapidly changed and many of us are feeling wary, worried, powerless, stressed, scared, and nostalgic. We already miss the nearness of our beloved ones, going out to favorite places, travelling and being free to choose.
We are in a phase where we need to look after ourselves, as there are still responsibilities we have to take over. Instead of feeling bad about our vulnerability or wishing we were stronger, we can be kind to ourselves. We are not responsible for how we feel. Being kind to ourselves involves stop judging ourselves, actively comforting ourselves, responding just as we would do to a dear friend in need. It means, we allow ourselves to be emotionally moved by our own pain, stopping to say ‘This is really difficult right now… How can I care for and comfort myself in this moment? What do I need most? ‘
Η Επικοινωνία είναι η πιο κοινή συναλλαγή ανάμεσα στους ανθρώπους. Η ανάπτυξη της τεχνολογίας την έχει κάνει ακόμη πιο εύκολη. Μπορεί ανδιαμφισβήτητα να ενισχύσει την ποιότητα της ζωής μας όπως μπορεί και να την μειώσει. Κάποιες φορές παρερμηνεύουμε μηνύματα που λαμβάνουμε καθώς δεν αναγνωρίζουμε την κατάσταση στηνοποία βρίσκεται ο συνομηλητής μας τη στιγμή που μιλάει κι αυτό τείνει να οδηγεί σε παρεξηγήσεις.
Οι Stewart & Joines στο βιβλίο τους A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis παρουσιάζουν τη συναλλακτική ανάλυση, μια θεωρία προσωπικότητας που περιέχει μια θεωρία επικοινωνίας και μέθοδο ανάλυσης σχέσεων και συστημάτων που αφορούν εξίσου σε χώρους εργασίας και στην προσωπική ζωή. Υπάρχουν κάποιες σημαντικές αρχές. Είναι μια μεθοδος ανάλυσης που βοηθάει ένα άτομο να προσδιορίσει τη βάση με την οποία αλληλεπιδράει με τους άλλους.
Communication is the most common activity amongst people. It can definitely add to people’s welfare and it can detract from it. We often misunderstand the messages we receive as we do not tend to acknowledge where the speaker is coming from. We often fail to communicate our message clearly as we are not aware of our own mental state while speaking.
Steward & Joines introduce Transactional Analysis (TA), a theory of personality which provides a theory of communication and a method of analysing systems and relationships both in personal life and in work situations. It can help people to stay in clear communication and avoid setting up unproductive confrontations. It can be suitable for use in leadership and coaching and it makes a powerful tool in management, communications training and in organisational analysis.
Ακολουθούν Ελληνικά – Greek to follow
Don’t take it personally
My up to date working experience in many settings through various professional roles has shown me that most of the rifts occurred are more attributed to luck of communication than to lack of expertise, lack of technical skills and lack of commitment. The good news are that we always have a role to play in a situation where communication skills are required. We can therefore take responsibility for the language and the messages we send out.
Having spent loads of time on what is missing in many areas of my life and realised how much time I have spent feeling inadequate because of this, I decided to focus upon what it is instead. The abundance I have experienced and celebrated ever since has been transformational. I was raised in a culture and in an environment where feeling proud of your achievements was a synonym of being arrogant or superior to others
Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer, in their book ‘the mindful self compassion workbook’ point out that our tendency to focus much more on what is wrong rather than on what is right in our lives is called negativity bias. The negativity bias is usually strong towards ourselves, as we tend to focus on our inadequacies rather than appreciate our strengths, we often have a skewed perspective of who we are. This attitude may stem from:
Ever since I started practicing Yoga, I believed that Yoga & Life Coaching seem to overlap that is why I wanted to combine both in my workshops and retreats. Since, the beginning of February I’ve been studying yoga on a teacher training course in Mysore, South India and the more I study, the greater correlations I see.
According to the Yogic philosophy there are five stages of mind: Mooda, which means attachment, Kshipta, which means confusion, Nikshipta, which means clarity that is not sustainable, Ekagra, which means focus, resolve, and Niruddha which means clarity and sustainable focus. Yoga is working towards helping someone to achieve the last two stages of mind: focus and sustainable clarity.
All of my life I’ve been working towards success being driven most of the times by my fear of failure, which was actually fear of being exposed, fear of being viewed as a looser, fear to admit that sometimes the result of any kind of an attempt can be out of control or unpredictable. My engagement with life coaching has helped me a lot to reframe the idea of failure and convert it into an opportunity for learning and growth.
Mike Brent and Fiona Dent, in their book ‘The leadership pf teams’, point out that three things seem to be paramount when it comes to engaging a team: Purpose, Involvement and Appreciation. How do these 3 factors work?
Purpose: the team members should be clear about what is the purpose of the project they work on as well as how they can contribute towards that purpose both as individuals an as a team. The purpose always signified the direction
Involvement: all the members of the team should be involved at the process in order to own the purpose. What is the best way for you to involve your team?
One, and maybe the most important, indicator of a successful coaching relationship is trust. A mutual trust between the coach and the coachee. What do both need to trust in? Dennis and Michelle Reina, in their book ‘Trust and Betrayal in the workplace point out three types of transactional trust: